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Posted on by Lilitha Vain

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The forums for this blog as well as a community forum are now partially up and taking members! The main website is still being worked on. I hope to see you there! I highly recommend it for any of my friends in the Online Vampyre Community and the Vampire Community.

April 20, 2015

Posted on by Lilitha Vain

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So, not the Monday that just passed, but the Monday before that, on April 6, 2015, I went to court on Monday morning for a Permanency Hearing for custody of my daughter, Baby Mary Louise. I was given FULL custody of Baby Mary effective immediately. My daughter was returned home to me at 5:00 that day. She was so happy to see me and I remember grabbing her and jogging around the car and saying, “We’re just doing our victory lap!” LOL! You know, they make it next to IMPOSSIBLE to get your kids back home with you once they’ve taken them. You’ve got to basically jump through hoops to get them back. I did everything that I was supposed to do, plus extra shit on the side. I am proud of myself for the changes that I’ve made in my life, and anyone who wants to talk shit about that? You know where you can shove it. I am on cloud nine. Don’t hate on ME, because YOU are miserable. 😉

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April 15, 2015

Posted on by Lilitha Vain

So, I have exactly one year clean and sober today! Woot! And like I said in my last journal entry, I am very proud of myself for all of the positive changes that I am making and have made in my life the past year. I have come a long fucking way and NO ONE can take that away from me. You can try ALLLL you want.. But it’s NOT happening. I am now an advocate in the community and I help sick addicts get help. If I change the lives of just a few people than my purpose in life will have been served. I went through everything that I went through for a reason. Things happen for reasons. The Lord had a serious plan for me to help people. I wouldn’t be able to help them if I hadn’t overcome it myself. So, I recognize that and at the end of the day, I am GRATEFUL for the experience, strength and hope that I give others.

As for the rest of my life, everything is just falling back in to place. I’ve met and exceeded all of the goals that I have made a year ago. I am going to make something of myself. It is NOT too late for me.. And I still got a few mother fuckers to prove wrong. Like the DUMB ASS that made the statement about my “terminal illness”. Well for that person, apparently you need to read up on your Hepatitis information, because you’ve got it twisted. YES! I am Hep C positive. YES! There IS an 89% CURE RATE with either Medication OR, in rare cases, it clears up on it’s own. I happen to be in the latter group. So read it and weep. My next journal will be about the scientific research done on clients who’s Hepatitis C CLEARED UP ON IT’S OWN. And by the by.. I never said I was off the hook. If you had READ the entry, you’d have seen that it didn’t leave without FIRST DOING DAMAGE. That’s why they call it a TERMINAL illness.. Because even though I no longer carry the virus, I can STILL get Cirrhosis.

Anyway, I have a year sober today! I am very proud of myself, and NO ONE can take that away from me. NO ONE.

January 2015

Posted on by Lilitha Vain

Vampire Journal – BeautifulEnlightenment’s Journal. My So-Called Life//

Court Outcome
 Jan 21 2015

Well, I went to court last week! Sorry it took so long to write this, but you know me! Side-Tracked is my first name and Procrastinate is my last hehe. Anyway, it was great!! They had nothing but good things to say about me, and how they were happy that I have worked so hard to achieve my sobriety and get my family back together! The prosecutor was very happy and so was my lawyer and the DSS supervisor! They have court ordered a self-executing Reunification order, which means that I don’t have to go back to court to get her back home. She can come home ANY time between TODAY and the next court date. HOWEVER, the next court date is April 6, 2015, and they will be DISMISSING my case that day. So she will have been home way before than! So, I asked my lawyer the following question: “In your profession opinion, when do you think she will be coming home?” He was like, well it’s really hard for me to answer that because it’s really up to the division, and I was like, ok, let me rephrase the question. In your professional opinion, what MONTH do you think Baby Mary will be coming home?” And he was like, “Probably some time in February.” WOOT!!! All I can think of is that song, cause I’m happy!! hehe

So yeah! My visits are now all unsupervised and I’m starting to get my take home doses from the methadone clinic. That means I’m only going from Monday through Friday. Then in about two more months, I’ll only have to go Mon-Thurs.. then so on and so forth! WOOT! Nothin but good, happy news here!! 🙂 Hope everyone will be as blessed as me in the future!

January 2015 Court

Posted on by Lilitha Vain

Well, I went to court last week! Sorry it took so long to write this, but you know me! Side-Tracked is my first name and Procrastinate is my last hehe. Anyway, it was great!! They had nothing but good things to say about me, and how they were happy that I have worked so hard to achieve my sobriety and get my family back together! The prosecutor was very happy and so was my lawyer and the DSS supervisor! They have court ordered a self-executing Reunification order, which means that I don’t have to go back to court to get her back home. She can come home ANY time between TODAY and the next court date. HOWEVER, the next court date is April 6, 2015, and they will be DISMISSING my case that day. So she will have been home way before than! So, I asked my lawyer the following question: “In your profession opinion, when do you think she will be coming home?” He was like, well it’s really hard for me to answer that because it’s really up to the division, and I was like, ok, let me rephrase the question. In your professional opinion, what MONTH do you think Baby Mary will be coming home?” And he was like, “Probably some time in February.” WOOT!!! All I can think of is that song, cause I’m happy!! hehe

So yeah! My visits are now all unsupervised and I’m starting to get my take home doses from the methadone clinic. That means I’m only going from Monday through Friday. Then in about two more months, I’ll only have to go Mon-Thurs.. then so on and so forth! WOOT! Nothin but good, happy news here!! 🙂 Hope everyone will be as blessed as me in the future!

Update on Health Issues

Posted on by Lilitha Vain

Okay, so I went back to the Hepatologist, (Scientific name for a Liver Specialist), on the 24th to get the results of all those tests I had last month, as a lot of you may remember. I gave eleven viles of blood at LabCorp! I almost passed out while the needle was still in my arm! (I HATE needles). I also had an ultrasound done. So anyway, I got good news and bad news from the doctor when I went to get the results.

So, one of the first few things that they test for, is what genotype of the virus that you have, your viral load, and your AST (Aspartate Transaminase) and ALT (Alanine Transaminase) levels. Now, in October of 2013, I had all these tests done, with the exception of the genotype test. I had a viral load of over two million. My AST/ALT were both over 2000. Normal for ALT/AST is between 5-40. Normal viral load would be 0. (Because you wouldn’t have a virus, right? LOL). Back in October 2013 when I had these first tests, I was still using IV drugs. So anyway, like I said, I had all these tests re-done. I was 10 months clean/sober when I had them re-done.

When I went back to the doctor he told me that my viral load was so low that they were unable to determine what genotype of the virus that I have. He said that this means either A) My body has completely fought the virus off on it’s own and cured itself. (Meaning I don’t have it anymore.) OR, B) It is fighting the virus off currently and it’s on it’s way out of my system. Either way, my body has cured itself of the virus! 🙂

Now, that was the good news, and how GREAT it was! However, those were the results of the blood tests. I also had an ultrasound done.. So.. He told me that I had fat in my liver caused by the HCV. He said that I have to change my diet and exercise to combat this issue. He said that the next step after this is Cirrhosis. :/ I asked him what did he mean by change my diet. He said I had to eliminate carbs and fat from my diet. I was like, “OK. That’s everything that I eat!”. smdh. Oh well. So, my Mom and I went to the grocery store and got some 1/2 the fat Mayonnaise, reduced fat peanut butter, Fat free and Sugar free coffee creamer and 2% Milk. This is a start for me I guess. Baby Mary comes home on the 6th of next month, so that’s gonna be the exercise I need right there LOL!

So yeah.. The appointment went a lot better than it could have gone, and for that I am truly grateful. However, I’m a little disturbed that the Hepatitis did all that damage before I was able to fight it off. Next time I see the doctor I’m going to ask him if this damage is reversible. I do know that the liver is the only organ that is able to regenerate itself. Back in July of 2012 when I first contracted the virus, my liver failed! Within five days, it regenerated itself. Thank GOD! So, that just goes to show you, it’s possible. So, please pray that I get the answer that I want from the doctor. Thanks guys for reading and thanks for caring. 🙂

10+ Months Clean & Sober

Posted on by Lilitha Vain

Well, I celebrated 10 months clean and sober on February 16, 2015. I didn’t literally celebrate, but you know what I mean! I have learned so many things about life these past ten months. I’ve really started to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and for that I am truly grateful.

Things go wrong. People make mistakes. We are not always going to get our way. The sooner we accept these things, the more successful our sobriety will be. I am a human being and I am far from perfect! I accept that I am going to make mistakes from time to time. I accept that I’m not always going to be correct, no matter how right I think I am. I didn’t get this far over night. Addiction/Alcoholism is a very selfish disease. It would be impossible to change this defect of character in 24 hours. We didn’t become addicted from our first use! Our disease manifested and progressed over time. So, don’t be discouraged if you’re not perfect!

This is the perfect time to take a moral inventory of ourselves! Me, myself, I have been dreading this task since the day I got sober. Most Addicts and Alcoholics do. It is not easy to take a good, long look in the mirror at the broken people that we have become, however, it is necessary for further development and progression in Recovery.

With all of that being said, I look forward to taking my personal inventory. I genuinely want to change and become a better person. I want to be a better Mother, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, cousin and friend. I am willing to do whatever it takes to maintain my sobriety! Are you…??

I will keep you all posted on my progress with this step. I know that it is hard and if my words can help another person who is in a similar situation to mine, than I will be happy! 

Baby Mary

Posted on by Lilitha Vain

Baby Mary is getting so big!!! She’s got sooo much energy! LOL She loves to run around and explore her surroundings! She just had her one year developmental specialist visit! He said that Baby Mary is “very intelligent”!! Yay! My little baby girl has got beauty AND brains!!! Watch out girls!!!! My daughter is gonna be gorgeous!! She likes to watch Caillou. She likes the Sprout Channel & Disney Jr. Channel. She is 15 months old already! The time just goes by so fast. Here are some pictures of my beautiful baby girl, Baby Mary AKA: Midgey!